Six Ways to Add Emotion to Your Narration

If your beta readers are saying your narration feels flat, your viewpoint character feels unrealistically detached, or it isn’t clear what your viewpoint character is feeling, then it’s time to work more emotion into your narration. You have multiple methods at your disposal. By using modest amounts of each, you can bring out emotions without sounding repetitive or sabotaging the pace of the scene.

Before we get started, let’s take a quick look at our workshop examples. The first is from an unpublished manuscript. A minor character dies during a skirmish, and while the writer does a great job describing her fall, the viewpoint character’s reaction is too cursory.

The fight is still ongoing, and the viewpoint character is supposed to be somewhat battle hardened. For these reasons, it’s important not to go overboard when working on that second paragraph.

The second example is from the prologue of Tiger’s Curse. In it, the unnamed “prince” is being held captive by Lokesh. To make it easier to follow, I trimmed one phrase and edited it lightly to refer to the prince consistently.

The prince finds out his fiancée and brother are collaborating with his captor, yet the only reaction the prince has is to study them. Since this excerpt is written in a very distant and perhaps omniscient perspective, it’ll be more difficult to show his emotions without resorting to too much telling.

Let’s look at how we can give these excerpts, and any narration, more emotion. However, if your narration already has plenty of emotion, going too far can make it feel melodramatic. I have another article on avoiding melodrama.

1. Insert Body Language

Body language can clearly convey most emotions, and it works not only for the viewpoint character but also for other characters in a scene. Because it’s usually easy to be concise with body language, it’s a good choice for fast-paced sequences like fighting or dialogue. Putting a little body language next to a line of dialogue can also be a great way of specifying who spoke without using “said” 50 times.

Above, adding emotions before “there was nothing to be done” keeps that sentence from coming across as too cold.

I edited example two a little more so it was easier to focus on the prince’s reaction. I also used the opportunity to give Yesubai and Kishan some emotion. Surely they feel something when their betrayal is revealed.

While I recommend using body language frequently, you’ll often need more than that. It’s difficult to convey depth and nuance with body language alone, and many writers have trouble using lots of body language without repeating the same movements too many times.

2. Feature Internal Sensations

Internal sensations such as butterflies in the stomach, a tight chest, cheeks growing hot, and the heart racing can convey strong emotions. These are similar to body language, with two important distinctions: they’re involuntary, and they can’t be seen from the outside. This makes them useful for communicating how a viewpoint character feels even when they’re concealing their emotions – or when they’re in denial about their feelings.

Above, the building sob gives Mari a stronger reaction than tears did. Since she’s in the middle of a fight, she stifles the reaction before it distracts her. This allows readers to witness her emotions without her losing control.

In example two, internal sensations are great at conveying the gut punch of finding out the people you trusted have betrayed you.

Because internal sensations come off very strong, use them sparingly. They’re a great way to highlight powerful moments, but employing them during every scene or conflict is too much. If your viewpoint character feels them all the time, your narration could be melodramatic.

3. Make Narration More Biased

Even the seemingly mundane task of narrating unfolding action is an opportunity for more emotion. This is particularly true if you’re writing in close perspective. If your narration doesn’t have any character personality, you’re likely to end up with discontented readers who find your prose stale. Get into character, and narrate events according to how they interpret what’s happening.

When in doubt, try making your viewpoint character more opinionated or exaggerating events just a little. Swap out words for stronger versions.

Above, the blood is referred to as “precious,” and its flow has been exaggerated to a “fast stream.” The wording also puts more focus on Mari’s inability to save Sautha, which feels more tragic and less dispassionate.

For example two, I’ve added personality more consistent with a distant omniscient narrator who isn’t the prince. Again, I rearranged the text a little to make room for more personality.

Now characters “stoop” and “fawn.” However, because the paragraph is so distant, if I exaggerated much more it could be too little showing and too much telling and come off as melodramatic. Instead, it would be better to slow down and put the information about Lokesh in a separate paragraph. That way, more space could be devoted to this reveal, its impact, and its implications. More space means the language doesn’t need to be so strong.

When in close perspective, more narrative personality is usually better. However, a negative viewpoint character can turn off readers. If your character is in a bad place, balance their complaints with the bright spots in their life. They could react to negative experiences by focusing on the good things that keep them going. It can also help to show, rather than tell, readers what’s bothering them and work emotion into the narration in other ways.

4. Add Emotional Thoughts

Besides simply adding personality to the narration on an ongoing basis, it can be helpful to add character thoughts for the specific purpose of expressing emotion. If you’re writing in close perspective, that usually means adding what looks like more narration detailing what the character feels strongly about. If your narration is on the distant side, you might add thoughts in italics, during which your character makes a little commentary on what’s happening.

With thoughts, it’s easy to depict the feelings of guilt Mari has after watching a younger woman die. That would be harder to communicate with body language or internal sensation alone.

In example two, the prince still looks like he’s studying Yesubai and Kishan, but readers understand how this outward reaction reflects his emotional response to their betrayal.

Unfortunately, extra thoughts slow the pace of the scene. That can mess with dialogue and action, and readers will get impatient if you use too much. In most cases, I recommend keeping it down to a sentence or two.

5. Include a Little Reminiscing

Even though writers often dump too much exposition, exposition is also underrated. It’s a powerful tool that allows you to insert exactly the information you need, when you need it. When you want more emotion, some exposition that represents a character reminiscing about important experiences can be just the ticket. The trick is to make it brief and powerful.

Above, I’ve added a little personal information about Sautha. This makes her death feel more tragic to readers. Because Mari is thinking about this, it also comes off as Mari mourning for Sautha.

In example two, I’ve done something similar for both Yesubai and Kishan. Instead of humanizing them, the bits of exposition are meant to contrast their betrayal with their previous behavior. This makes it come off as more hurtful. The paragraph is also noticeably longer. While I think the extra words are worth it, this is also why I believe the paragraph is covering too much material.

Naturally, exposition is easy to misuse. Like extra thoughts, it slows the story down. In some cases, it’s actually worth having a whole paragraph of exposition to build emotional investment. However, if you’re in the middle of unfolding action, less is more.

6. Enhance Emotional Description

An important skill is knowing when to slow down the narration and use extra evocative description for emphasis. Anything that shows up with a bang or has a great deal of emotional impact is usually worth adding description to. It’s still possible to slow down time too much in the middle of an action sequence, but a little extra doesn’t usually hurt. Using emotional description sets the tone of the scene and makes an emotional response from the viewpoint character feel more natural.

I’ve included the first paragraph of example one to show that it’s already doing well in this area. The pace of the skirmish has slowed to show the moment Sautha dies in detail. I’ve added a little more description in the second paragraph.

With the extra description, the moment feels more significant, and readers get the impression that Mari lingered with Sautha before moving on.

In example two, I removed the text saying the prince was studying the three of them, because the description appears to show this already.

Using elaborate description everywhere can make your prose feel overwrought or purple. Look over your narration, and choose some places that deserve more emphasis than the rest.

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I didn’t include dialogue or flashbacks on this list for a reason. While they can both convey emotion, their liabilities are great. If readers specifically tell you that your dialogue is flat, add a little emotion to it, but beware – it can quickly take on a hysterical and cartoonish tone. Flashbacks require many words and quickly bog down the narrative. That’s why they work better when they move the plot forward. In most cases, you shouldn’t need to alter your dialogue or add flashbacks, because you have many other ways to enhance emotion.