Comics: Once Upon a Trope

Vampire Hunter


A vampire hunter has cornered two vampires. One of them has stepped forward to shield their terrified companion from harm.

Vampire: Stop, hunter! We may be vampires, but we’ve never hurt anyone.

Hunter [shocked]: Wait – are you saying I’ve been slaughtering the innocent?!

Vampire: Well… some of us do kill. But since some don’t, we should be considered innocent until proven guilty, receive a fair trial, go to jail, and have a chance at rehabilitation.

Hunter: Wow, I’d never thought of that.

Hunter: Actually, that sounds like a lot of effort. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll keep staking first and asking questions later.

Vampire: But you won’t kill me, right?

The hunter, now looking angsty, holds up the vampire’s hand to kiss it.

Hunter: Of course not, you’re one of the sexy – I mean, good ones. If anything happens to you, I’ll be devastated.



  1. Cay Reet

    LOL … nice one again, Bunny and Chris.

    It is an interesting question, though. In modern times, vampires should try not to kill, because it’s not so easy to stay hidden otherwise. If they don’t kill, is it okay to stake them?

    • S.T. Ockenner

      No! Of course not! Don’t stab people for no reason, whether they drink blood or water.

    • Erynus

      Well, being result of a curse that reanimates a dead body… i wouldn’t give them the chance. A dead thing don’t have rights, and i don’t think it deserve any. As well as robots, AIs and any other non-living thing that people love to humanize.

      • Cay Reet

        It depends. Some mythology says it’s a curse or a demon reanimating a body. In other cases, it’s still a human, albeit one who has died and come back to life. Others even say it’s a species of its own, which means you would suggest killing a whole species.

        I’d also be careful with ‘dead things don’t have rights.’ First of all, how do you define ‘dead things’ in a society where humans can be revived after their heart has stopped beating? How long does someone have to be dead for counting as a ‘dead thing’? And keep in mind that in certain cases, people have been reanimated after about 10 minutes after having been immersed in ice water.
        If a ‘dead thing’ has a mind and is sentient, is it just a thing or is it a person?

        If you want to see what that thought can do, I’d suggest reading the first book in the “Manners and Monsters” series – it’s called “Manners and Monsters”, as it were.

  2. Jeppsson

    Spot on!

  3. Kieran

    This is the problem I have with the hunters in VTM. The fact that you can RP as a less-lethal vampire (albeit not exactly a Friendly Neighborhood Vampire), really calls into question the morality of hunting vampires. Also, even so, the fact that most vampires are somewhat sapient (with the exception of wights) definitely calls it into question.

    • Alex Lund

      That would be interesting.
      How would a society live where vampires are in the open?
      They need blood, so would the government institute a blood tax?
      And how do you take into account that they are nearly immortal? A mortal dies after give or take 80 years. But a vampire could have lived from the time of Achilles till today. Or longer.

      And what if they have certain rules from medievil times that allow exile / killing while the current laws forbid this?

      (And for the HIGHLANDER fans: The Highlanders are destined to kill each other. It is their way of living. And sometimes a Highlander kills a mortal – that is a prospective immortal- to bring out the Highlander.)

      I would really like to see the laws of such a society.

      • Cay Reet

        When it comes to blood: blood banks have to destroy the blood they store after a certain amount of time. Instead of throwing it away, they could sell it to the vampires. Vampire: The Masquerade, as far as I remember, has that option – your group can buy blood packs and live off them.
        It does depend on how much blood vampires need how often. In modern times, artificial blood or a drug that provides what vampires need to draw out of the blood might also be an option. Or vampires might drink from people who allow it – only enough to still their need, not enough to kill. If the bite is peasurable, which quite some modern vampire stories claim it is, there would definitely be potential donors around.

        Vampires would provide stable money to shifting governments, paying taxes. They would also make great historians and be able to read old languages, because they’ve spoken/read them in the past. Living for a long time isn’t necessarily a problem.

        Laws would probably find middle ground – vampire laws might only be applicable to other vampires, so that they cannot be used on humans and a vampire government (again a thing VTM has) would enforce those laws. On the other hand, vampires injuring or killing humans would probably face human court (or it would be against vampire law and be handled by vampire government).

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