The captain of a spaceship finds her lieutenant in his quarters. He has a whole bunch of electronic pads set up like notes on a conspiracy corkboard, with strings between them. The lieutenant looks perplexed. 

Captain: What is going on here?

Lieutenant: Captain, by assembling all our logs, I’ve uncovered evidence of a new anomaly that bends time and space to ensure we always arrive just in the nick of time.

The captain and lieutenant are in a science lab. The science officer is showing them an abstract diagram on a wall console.

Science Officer: Captain, the anomaly is more extensive than we thought. We can reveal the anomaly’s source by creating a phase-induced reverse particle beam and bouncing it off the deflector dish while we eat pretzels.

Captain: Do it.

The three are eating pretzels and staring at a new portal opening. It reveals a writer surrounded by crumbled paper. For a moment, the writer and the space crew stare at each other, shocked. Then the captain points dramatically at the writer. 

Captain: Hostile aliens!

The science officer and lieutenant shoot the writer with their phasers.

P.S. Our bills are paid by our wonderful patrons. Could you chip in?

Jump to Comments