Transcript
The captain of a spaceship finds her lieutenant in his quarters. He has a whole bunch of electronic pads set up like notes on a conspiracy corkboard, with strings between them. The lieutenant looks perplexed.
Captain: What is going on here?
Lieutenant: Captain, by assembling all our logs, I’ve uncovered evidence of a new anomaly that bends time and space to ensure we always arrive just in the nick of time.
The captain and lieutenant are in a science lab. The science officer is showing them an abstract diagram on a wall console.
Science Officer: Captain, the anomaly is more extensive than we thought. We can reveal the anomaly’s source by creating a phase-induced reverse particle beam and bouncing it off the deflector dish while we eat pretzels.
Captain: Do it.
The three are eating pretzels and staring at a new portal opening. It reveals a writer surrounded by crumbled paper. For a moment, the writer and the space crew stare at each other, shocked. Then the captain points dramatically at the writer.
Captain: Hostile aliens!
The science officer and lieutenant shoot the writer with their phasers.
P.S. Our bills are paid by our wonderful patrons. Could you chip in?
And most people don’t realize the importance of eating pretzels!
The pretzels are there to give the curvature framework to the tachyon particles.
Yes, it’s all about the pretzels.
Thats essentialy the plot of John Scalzi’s “Redshirts”
Why do they think he’s hostile, exactly?
Cause he keeps writing stories where aliens attack them!