A story scientist storms into a laboratory. She’s wearing a big lab coat and has goggles and gloves on. In her hand is a flask with a bright blue liquid in it. Everyone else is wearing normal clothes. Some are measuring clear liquid into small test tubes. Others are just typing on a computer.
Story Scientist: All right, everyone, we’ve got the samples! We’ll proceed with the blood nuclear fusion chemistry plasma!
Everyone stares. The story scientist plunges an upside-down pipette into the test tube. Purple smoke comes out of the flask. One of the regular scientists from the lab approaches, distraught.
Scientist: Umm… who are you and what are you doing?
Story Scientist: Purple smoke… the cellular resin doesn’t have mitochondria after all.
Scientist: You know this isn’t a biology lab, right? And what does purple smoke have to do with –
The story scientist grabs a flask of green liquid and pours it in.
Story Scientist: It’ll need a new power source… chlorophyll.
Scientist: But that’s copper chloride.
The story scientist opens the door to a square box on the side of the room.
Story Scientist: To the spectroscopic omnifarious analysis machine!
Scientist: Please don’t put that in our microwave. We need it for our frozen lunches.
The story scientist is pressing buttons on the microwave. Through the microwave window, her flask can be seen inside. The scientist looks fed up.
Story Scientist: And now, for science…
Scientist: This isn’t science! You’re just saying a bunch of random words and hoping we’ll think it means something. I’ve had enough. Get out of here!
The microwave door opens. An impossibly large green monster leaps out of it. The story scientist laughs maniacally as the scientist and everyone else flees.
P.S. Our bills are paid by our wonderful patrons. Could you chip in?
Comments on Science!
As Girl Genius would say, “This is a good day – for Science!”
Everyone else but Agatha would probably disagree. For science, though!
Assistant: But you’re sacrificing a human life!
Scientist: Do you cry over a guinea pig? This boy is a free police case. We’re probably saving him from the gas chamber.
Assistant: But the boy is so young, the transformation horrible—
Scientist: And you call yourself a scientist!? That’s why you’ve never been anything more than an assistant!
—I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)