Transcript
The mentor lies weak and bleeding in the hero’s arms. A battle rages in the background.
Mentor: Unnnghh … ohhh, the pain …
Hero: Oh, sweet mentor! I’ll never forget you.
Mentor: You must kill the evil overlords so good can triumph.
Hero: I will!
Mentor: Don’t harm the weak … Honor those who are old …
Hero: Of course.
As the mentor talks, the hero blocks an enemy’s sword.
Mentor: Give to the needy … Feed my cat … Water my plants … The key to my shed is in the fake rock by the front door …
Hero: Er.
Mentor: And tell George I won’t be able to come to cocktail hour next Sunday … Put the dirty dishes away … Make sure the bread drawer is closed so nothing goes stale …
Hero: Are you done, or —
Mentor: Remember to schedule your dentist appointment next week …
An arrow hits the mentor in the chest; she dies instantly.
Hero (in surprise): Mentor!
After a moment, the hero closes the mentor’s eyes.
Hero: Goodbye, my friend. I’ll avenge you.
The mentor’s ghost appears.
Mentor: Just a couple more things.
Hero: *Sigh.* Should I be writing this down?
Mentor: You mean you haven’t been?
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LOL … this must be one of the longest death scenes I’ve seen. And I’ve seen basically all Edgar Wallace movies (which were made at a time when German actors still took their time dying).
All these parodies of common tropes are hilarious!
Funny how people dying in fiction always manage to say exactly what they want to say before they die, and their last words are something important to the plot, and not as Swedish humorist Kalle Lind put it, that most people’s last words are along the lines of “Uuuh?”.