An aged adviser holds out a crown to a young commoner.

Adviser: You are the one true heir!

Chosen one: Me?

Adviser: Indeed, it is your destiny to tell everyone what church to follow, which kingdoms to conquer, and whose heads to chop off.

The adviser puts the crown on the chosen one’s head. 

Chosen one: But I can be a benevolent ruler, right?

Adviser: Of course, Your Benevolence, let it be known throughout the kingdom that you are the most kind and generous monarch that has ever ruled.

Chosen one: Oh, good.

The adviser holds up a royal mantle.

Adviser: And I’ll chop off the head of anyone who says otherwise.

Chosen one: Wait – what?

P.S. Our bills are paid by our wonderful patrons. Could you chip in?

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