Transcript
In the villain’s lair, a terrified minion kneels before the angry villain holding up a menacing weapon.
Minion: I’m sorry, Master. I won’t fail you again.
Villain: Oh, I know you won’t.
The villain smiles and gestures with her weapon to an elderly minion in glasses.
Villain: Because Garg here will accompany you as part of the kidnapper mentorship program. With their help, you’ll succeed from now on… or else.
Minion, terrified: Or else?!
The villain glares at the begging minion.
Villain: Or else you’ll get only three out of five stars on your yearly performance review, and a lower raise.
Minion: No! I’ll do better, I swear!
P.S. Our bills are paid by our wonderful patrons. Could you chip in?
Now, THAT’s what I call proper minion punishment and motivation :D
Like the way you subverted the minion punishment trope. :)
This villain has learned from her predecessors’ mistakes: Do Not Kill The Minion. After all, they’ll try to do better, and they’ve already been trained. If you kill them, you have to hire and train a whole new minion! Instead, motivate them with the threat of less money. (I notice it is “lower raise” and not “no raise.” Villainously offering a better deal than the competition!)
What’s the benefits package like for this organization? Asking for a friend…
They have a kidnapper mentorship program but no professional kidnappers? and if they have any, why do they send someone that didn’t passed the basic training on kidnapping? An efficient leader uses the best people for the job.
That “Master” sure is a middle manager.
The mentor in this case might no longer physically be able to handle a kidnapping. The other kidnappers could very well be occupied (sometimes, you just need to kidnap ALL the people). Besides, you need to add more personnel to some departments sometimes, so he got the job without training and now that he’s proven to be bad at it, he gets more training.
Need ALL the poeple kidnapped and don’t have enough professional kidnappers on staff? I hate when that happens!
i so agree
Oof! I hate thy master.
It was better to be a minion in the immediate post war period when we had the Minions International Union to represent us. Health insurance, overtime pay, and even coffee breaks regardless of how many people you kidnapped. Then came stagflation during the 1970s and the anti-union crusade from the the Thatcherite-Reagan Demonic Overlords during the 1980s. We though that the 1990s would bring some reprise but performance reviews came in during that time. Now minions are just gig workers with no respect for traditions.
Join my league. We have benefits and chocolate.
Chocolate, you say? Where do I sign?
On this comment thread would be good. Your complementary chocolate strawberries will be coming shortly. Being a rich crime organization has its perks. :D
Well, I was thinking about changing employment … my current boss has a very conservative attitude towards failure and having to learn all of those new names every week is exhausting. Not to mention how hard it is to keep things moving in accounting with all of those changes. :p