A teenage boy fights monsters in an empty school classroom.
Caption: My name is Cage Augustus, and all I’ve ever wanted is to be normal.
Injured and bloody, the teenager kneels on the classroom floor and speaks to the ceiling dramatically.
Caption: Instead, a witch cursed me to be faster, stronger, and more invincible than regular people.
Teenager: Why did you do this to meeeee?
The witch appears and waves a wand. The teenager looks happy and excited.
Witch: Okay, I’ll make you normal again. Just stop whining!
Teenager: Thank you!!!
At a cemetery, a gravestone reads, “Here lies Cage Augustus, who bled to death in his high school classroom.”
P.S. Our bills are paid by our wonderful patrons. Could you chip in?
Comments on Life Goals
At least he died free – free from the nasty oppression that muggles always inflict on supes like him, that is!
Yes, no more oppression from muggles.
Cage seems to be an unusual first name for somebody of Roman heritage.
I don’t think the name is supposed to point to Roman heritage. Maybe it’s like a reference to John Constantine?
It does sound weird, I feel like “Augustus Cage” would have a little more regular ring to it. Then it would sound like a Harry Potter character instead. ;)
The lesson here is clearly ‘be careful what you wish for’ and when. I mean, he could have wished for a normal life after he’d been healed.
That reminds me of an old youtube video about some guys that were saving off to get a surgery to become Wolverine. But they just had enough for either the healing factor or the adamantium claws.
Guess what did they choose…