A teenage boy fights monsters in an empty school classroom.
Caption: My name is Cage Augustus, and all I’ve ever wanted is to be normal.
Injured and bloody, the teenager kneels on the classroom floor and speaks to the ceiling dramatically.
Caption: Instead, a witch cursed me to be faster, stronger, and more invincible than regular people.
Teenager: Why did you do this to meeeee?
The witch appears and waves a wand. The teenager looks happy and excited.
Witch: Okay, I’ll make you normal again. Just stop whining!
Teenager: Thank you!!!
At a cemetery, a gravestone reads, “Here lies Cage Augustus, who bled to death in his high school classroom.”