A teenage boy fights monsters in an empty school classroom.

Caption: My name is Cage Augustus, and all I’ve ever wanted is to be normal.

Injured and bloody, the teenager kneels on the classroom floor and speaks to the ceiling dramatically.

Caption: Instead, a witch cursed me to be faster, stronger, and more invincible than regular people.

Teenager: Why did you do this to meeeee?

The witch appears and waves a wand. The teenager looks happy and excited.

Witch: Okay, I’ll make you normal again. Just stop whining!

Teenager: Thank you!!!

At a cemetery, a gravestone reads, “Here lies Cage Augustus, who bled to death in his high school classroom.”

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