Transcript

Two human space officers stand on a planet with two groups of aliens brandishing weapons at each other. The space captain points to a rocky outcrop. 

Captain: This planet has been at war long enough. I’m going up there to address them.

Security Officer: Sir, they’re not going to stop centuries of fighting because of one inspirational speech.

The space captain is on the rocky outcrop, speaking to the crowd. The aliens are bewildered, and the security officer is embarrassed.

Captain: You see, no weapon is greater than the weapon of kindness…

Alien 1: What is he doing?

Security Officer: I’m sorry, I told him not to try this…

Alien 2: I think he’s talking to each one of us – at the same time! What do you call this?

Security Officer: A speech?

Alien 1: Amazing. Ooh – this speech thing has instructions! Let’s follow them.

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