Transcript

A group of coworkers are in an office together. All but one are putting up Christmas decorations.

Coworker 1: Is it okay if we leave Christmas decorations out of the lunchroom? I don’t like Christmas, and that will give me somewhere Christmas-free to retreat to.

The other coworkers look shocked. They huddle together.

Coworker 2: Oh no, Telvera doesn’t like Christmas!

Coworker 3: We just need to help her get into the Christmas spirit.

The others nod. 

Coworker 2 gives Coworker 1 a candy cane. Two other coworkers offer 1 stuffed stockings. Three coworkers sing Christmas carols behind their desk. As this happens, the coworkers look increasingly fervent and Coworker 1 looks increasingly alarmed.

Coworker 1 huddles in a corner in terror, surrounded by looming coworkers, all wearing Christmas costumes and reaching their hands out like zombies. 

Coworker 2: You better watch out.

Coworker 3: You better not cry.

Coworker 4: You better not pout.

Coworker 5: I’m telling you why.

Coworkers 2, 3, 4, & 5 together: Santa Claus is coming to town.

Later in a Chinese restaurant, Coworker 1 is eating and recounting the tale to the riveted restaurant owner.

Restaurant Owner: So how did you get away?

Coworker 1: I just put on the Muppet Christmas Carol before making my escape. They’re literally incapable of resisting it.

The Christmas coworkers are huddled around a screen playing the Muppet Christmas Carol, creepily pawing at it as they stare with huge zombie eyes. 

P.S. Our bills are paid by our wonderful patrons. Could you chip in?

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